Ju-on

So I saw The Grudge last night. I can't say it was an awful film, but I would hardly encourage anyone to go see it. I realize I'm probably being silly by asking for plot in a horror movie, but at minimum, I think they're better when (at least in hindsight) the killer has some sort of motive. As a favorite writer of mine once put it, even a ghost needs a MO. What follows is spoilers, so don't read if you plan to see the movie itself.

The film opens by quoting a Japanese belief that, when a person dies in the grip of strong emotion, the place where they died will sometimes become cursed. Thereafter, death will haunt that place, and leave a stain upon any who visit. Their word for this is onryou, vengeful spirit, and this belief forms the basis of nearly all Japanese horror films.

In the film, the curse hangs about a house where a family was murdered three years ago. The husband discovered that his wife was obsessed with another man; in a fit of rage, he strangled her, drowned her in the bathtub, and stuffed her body in the attic. Their son... well, we never quite find out, but apparently he was killed too, along with his pet cat. And afterwards, the father hung himself. Anyone who so much as sets foot in the house is doomed to die, soon, and violently, at the hands of the spirits that inhabit it, no matter where they go.

All of this makes for a very nice setup, but then the whole thing goes to hell. It's the wife's spirit who kills; we never see the husband, even though he is the source of the emotion and therefore, according to the prologue, the source of the curse. Sometimes she kills in similar manners or places to the original crime; sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes the son shows up as a warning to victims that his mother is coming; sometimes he doesn't. Some people are attacked almost immediately upon entering the house for the first time; others live there peacefully for weeks. Sometimes the spirit kills several people at once; other times certain people are allowed to live. It's all totally arbitrary.

And of course, there's our heroine, who alone manages to have a chat with the son's ghost without any attack. Later, she gets a full-body flashback of the original tragedy, which is useful for exposition, but why would the spirits bother? Particularly in light of the fact that they kill her almost immediately afterwards. Compare the ending of the highly superior Ring, where the heroine discovers the perfectly logical reason that she alone was spared. It's probably the most chilling moment in the film. By the end of that film, at least, I felt like I understood why things were going on. But not so here.

If you just like being scared, though, by all means go. There are a dozen victims in a 100 minute film; that's a death every 8.3 minutes. Unlike some horror films that work up to a few major scares, this one keeps them coming almost nonstop. If you're not totally immune, you should be pretty well drained of adrenaline by the end. So if that's all your looking for, you'll at least be startled.

In Memoriam

An old friend of mine died this week. His epitaph can be found here.

Claritin Clear

Nebraska City was an almost unbelievable contrast to Kansas City. Not only was it a perfectly clear, sunny day, but every color on every tree was eye-popping. It was seriously like those Claritin commercials they show on TV, where a smoky film is lifted away and suddenly everything is more vibrant. When I came back here, I realized what a washed-out world I've been living in compared to the countryside. It makes me kind of sad.

The whole town was swarming with Asian ladybugs, which are hard to tell from the normal kind - visually, at least. But instead of being relatively sedate, they constantly fly through the air and land on your skin. Instead of being unobtrusive, there are millions of them. And they bite. Nasty things; I hadn't seen them much before, and I hope it doesn't become an annual occurrence.

Saw a Hummer H2 with the license plate "JIM COX". Does this remind anyone else of when Homer Simpson changed his name and got "MAX POWER" monogrammed in full on all of his shirts?...

Driving a car with busted cruise control turns out to be really dangerous: I drive much faster than I otherwise would. On a related note, thank god I turn 25 next year, because this $1200 a year car insurance is going to kill me yet.

The Fog

Wow, it's been much longer than I thought since I posted. Not an extremely eventful week, but as usual, a few oddities to report:

The first strange thing was that I passed up an afternoon off (at a local pool hall) for my entire team. Obviously, I would usually jump at that sort of thing, but it was partially a reward for a month of deadlines and 60+ hour weeks. I got hired just at the end of it, and I decided I'd feel like a huge tool if I took the reward for things I didn't do - playing hard without working hard, if you will. Of course, I also missed opportunities to network and socialize away from the office. Which I need to do more of. Not quite sure what to think, in hindsight.

The second strange thing was the inverse of the first: I got a nonvite, an unvitation, to drinks after work. The attendees (I discovered afterwards) were nearly all folks I got hired with, and consider friends. But, the organizer was someone I didn't know. So snub or oversight? Wish I knew. I think I'll err on the optimistic side for now, but I hope that excluding and/or forgetting me doesn't become a habit. Anyone who knows me knows how much I hate that.

And the third strange thing was that the Arby's near work doesn't have chicken strips, or indeed, chicken anything. They're the best thing on the menu; the only reason I go there! This had better not be some sort of freakish citywide thing. I must investigate.

So yeah, that fall color I was complaining about earlier is finally starting to come in, but you could hardly tell. I can count on one hand the number of sunny days we've had since I got here; otherwise, it's overcast, foggy, or raining. It's like living in... I dunno, Seattle? London? Maine? I even like wet weather, but it's starting to get a bit old. Hard to appreciate natural beauty when you can barely see it.

Oh, and my old friends' social lives continue to be Dramatic, with a capital D. You know who you are, so, what in blazes is going on?

Headed back north this weekend - as far as Nebraska City, at least - to see my mother for her birthday. I'll make it all the way back north two weeks after that. Patience, young ones.

Addendum: holy shit, the game tomorrow is radio only. I don't even own one. Time to drive around town for a few hours?...

...Takes Its Toll

What an absurdly busy weekend it turned out to be, a bit of a nonstop party. I'll try to do a brief recap while I can still remember it all...

Saturday: went with the guys to the Boulevard Brewery. It's pretty much Mecca, as you might expect, and I had quite a few beers I hadn't known they had. I also didn't realize how much expansion they have planned (a lot). My souvenier was a jar of their Pale Ale Mustard, which you must try if you ever get the chance. If you ever want to take a tour with me, they're every Saturday at 11:00, 1:00, and 3:00.

Then we went to Arthur Bryant's, easily the most famous BBQ restaurant in Kansas City. People kept warning me about how it was located in a "ghetto" neighborhood, but by day at least, it's not bad at all. The food was simple, plentiful, and absolutely delicious. I may never look at Wonder Bread the same way again.

After that, we saw Team America: World Police. I'll admit that the movie was funny, but that's really all that it was. Please don't go expecting political commentary. To quote from Roger Ebert's review, "I wasn't offended by the movie's content so much as by its nihilism. At a time when the world is in crisis and the country faces an important election, the response of Parker, Stone and company is to sneer at both sides -- indeed, at anyone who takes the current world situation seriously. They may be right that some of us are puppets, but they're wrong that all of us are fools, and dead wrong that it doesn't matter."

Later that evening, after the guys got back from Lawrence, we went to Tanner's again. And guess what? Got our tab paid, again, but by someone else this time: the groom, whom Mark had been in town to see. We begged him not to - all this drinking for free was starting to get embarassing - but he snatched the check and wouldn't give it back. Ah, the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

Sunday: Off to the Renaissance Festival, along with Sam and Meagan. It is, as advertised, gigantic, not to mention in a forest, so I spent most of the day being thoroughly lost. I did manage to find a nice bit of jewelery for my mother's birthday, and a few other items that won't be mentioned, because the recipients are reading this. :) I plan to go back next year, maybe more than one weekend, so let me know if you care to go.

Dinner with Rusty, Sarah, and Rusty's parents. Dessert with Sam and Meagan as well at a place on the Plaza called The Melting Pot, which is a fondue(!) restaurant. Pricey but, sweet jesus, it's delicious. I can't even imagine what the rest of their menu is like. Yet another place I'll be happy to go with you if you ever come to town.

So, to summarize: partying and heavy, heavy drinking at my place every night this weekend, three nights running. I'm exhausted and slightly hung over, but so, so contented.

Madness

So, Bob and two of his friends are in town tonight. After going to a concert in Westport, they headed up to my place. I took them to a really nice bar near my apartment, called Tanner's. It's a collegiate, Cheers type place with a kitchen that's open late, and it's only five blocks away.

So, we're hanging out, having our beers, eating our food, when we're approached by a gentleman from a nearby table. His name is Mark Jones, native of Atlanta, in town for a friend's wedding. In honor of the occasion, he offers to buy us all a round of drinks.

More conversation. It transpires that he is an alumni of the University of Nebraska, graduated 1986. Played football for the Cornhuskers. Got a degree in computer science. These days, he's a vice-president of Hitachi America. And of course, he learns that all of us are current or recent students at UNL.

What follows is a lengthy and honestly facinating lecture on his time at UNL, his love for Coach Osborne, his career, and perhaps most importantly, how to get ahead in the business world. Bob was practically drooling at the prospect of an internship. And before he leaves, he pays our tab for the entire evening, won't take no for an answer. Incredible.

So yeah, an amazing evening. Met a cool fellow, ate and drank for free. He said he'll be there tomorrow night - after the wedding reception - and wants us to come back. Champagne for the entire bar, and perhaps tequila too. His treat. I think perhaps we might have to go back, at that...

Lawrence

Went out to the bars last night with a couple of coworkers. They decided before I arrived that we would be going to Lawrence (about forty miles west of here). The reasons for this remain a total mystery to me; not one of us is from there or went to school there. We had no idea where anything was or where the parties were. But it turned out for the best in the end: KU had beaten Kansas State earlier that day, so the whole town was one big party.

We ended up at a place called Abe & Jake's Landing. It turned out to be really awesome, a huge place that spanned several floors. Besides the main dance floor, there were four bars, some very elegant quiet areas, a pub/cafe area, a balcony patio, and really good music. The whole place is an old factory along the banks of the Kansas River, which results in a strange combination of loud and peaceful. Anyway, a great place, better than any I'd been to in a while, so I recommend it if you're ever there.

Didn't end up finding any house parties, though. It is possible to find them when you're from out of town and don't know anyone; but it's difficult and far from a sure thing. I guess hope just springs eternal.

On the way home, I saw the stars for the first time in a long while. Particularly Orion, my favorite constellation (don't ask me why), which only rises in the winter. It was nice.

The quote of the evening was between two fellows who just moved here from Florida and California, regarding the Midwest:

"It seems like everybody you meet here is attached, like they get engaged and married really quickly, really young, you know?"

"Well, it does get very cold in the winter here..."

Myst IV, Part II

So I've spent some more time playing through Myst IV, after a kind soul helped me get past the aforementioned evil puzzle of death. I've got a few more things to report.

First, the bad: the game's "help" system is so comically useless even at its highest levels that I'm beginning to think the designers deliberately sabotaged it in a fit of indignation. Among other issues: It refers to areas, animals, and people by name even when they haven't been named within the game. It does not state the goal or reasoning behind most puzzles, only the rote steps necessary to solve them. It only lists the steps to solve a puzzle from its initial state, for puzzles that can't be reset to their initial state. It contains inaccurate (or at least misleading) maps of the levels, and makes no mention of where to find important switches/levers/buttons etc. I no longer have any compunction about looking at any of its spoilers, because I know they'll only leave me more confused than I was before.

But there's also some good:

* I found out that the developers are working on their first patch which, aside from other technical issues, will adjust the timing on the puzzle I found so awful in my last post.

* The game's last level, Serenia, is utterly, endlessly gorgeous. But more than that, it's far more "Myst-like", inasmuch as the puzzles are far more like what I like. They fall into two basic categories: logic puzzles, where your objective is clear and you need to determine the correct algorithm; and engineering puzzles, where the level is a giant broken machine that you need to diagnose and debug. All of that, I like.

* Towards the end, the plot and tone of the game take a left turn into the realm of the artistic and abstract. It's a bit jarring at first, but also very pretty, and provides some of the game's (IMO) cleverest and most interesting puzzles.

* There appear to be as many as three different good endings, somehow based on your play style, though I'm still not sure what the variables are.

So I guess my recommendation now would be to a) wait until the patch is released, and b) maybe just borrow the game from me. Don't feel bad about using hints (albeit someone else's) on the game's obtuse middle levels, if only for the joy and wonder of the first and last levels.

Oh, yes, and I finally got paid today. Yay!

And All That Jazz

Went with some people from work to a bar called the Phoenix that's literally a block away from my apartment. It bills itself variously as a jazz or piano bar, with live music most nights; while we were there, it was a blues guitarist. Really, really nice atmosphere, reminiscent of the bygone Brazen Head (may it rest in peace), just the sort of place I longed for in college but rarely found. If you come to town, I'm very likely to take you.

A big shout-out to my co-worker Gabriel, whose webpage and blog I recently discovered. And he plays Settlers of Catan! Will wonders never cease. Speaking of which, I found out about a number of rules to that game just before I moved that I hadn't been aware of previously:

* Development cards can be played before you roll the dice.
* Trades where one person gives cards to another for free are against the rules.
* It's possible for another player to do something that causes you to win the game, but you can't actually win until it's your turn. Thus, it's (rarely) possible for someone else to win first!

We haven't had much luck at finding other players here at Cerner, so if you're reading this and you come to town, you might get drafted.

Ten Ten

If you watched the Olympics, or follow international news at all, then you're aware of Taiwan's tense and strange international status. Keep that in mind.

So tonight, I attended a gala banquet at the Marriott Hotel, not far from my apartment. The occasion? This week is the National Day (but really Independence Day) of Taiwan (but really the Republic of China), and the party was hosted by their Economic and Cultural Office (but really Embassy) in Kansas City. Both the food and the entertainment were, appropriately, a mix of Eastern and Western tastes. We did, of course, have to sit through a number of speeches that centered around their achievements as a people and their continued persecution by mainland China. I can hardly blame them, though. In their position I suppose I'd bring my plight up at every opportunity, too.

The evening was capped off with a toast of gao liang jiu, a potent variety of Chinese white wine, made from sorghum, that the Americans affectionately referred to as "White Lightning". It's only a small step above moonshine, actually. It'll put hair on your chest, a bounce in your step, and a hole in your liver.

My parents were also in town for the banquet, so they dropped off a number of items that I'd forgotten at home. Most notably, the rest of my movies, books, liquor, and furniture. So I guess my place is pretty much done now, and ready for guests. Come on down. :) A few shout outs:

Rusty: The Chinese side of the buffet was catered from Bo Ling's. Yum.

Derrick: There is a Folgers Coffee factory directly across the street from my building. If I'm walking home at the right time of the evening, say around 9:00, I can smell it on the production line. I don't even like coffee, but still yum.

James: If you come visit me, I've got a little something for you. And not what you just thought, either.

Town Hall

So today was Cerner's Town Hall, a (bi?)annual meeting of all associates to discuss the upcoming year. And it was kind of a trip:

3,500 people. Held at a rodeo arena, the American Royal. A live band doing covers of country music as you enter and leave. Your ID scanned as you arrive, to make sure that you came (and that you're not the press, I suppose). A stage with a ranch-like set. The CEO rides in on a horse. The projection screen tumbling over onto the executive board. Footballs being thrown into the audience to decide who gets to ask a question - and win $50 by doing so. The CEO betting his board $500 that they can't hit a particular person in the audience. Copious quantities of free beer and barbecue afterwards. Trying to drive through the center of the city at rush hour, while not losing the person who's following you home.

Fun stuff.

I'm back at Riverport (the old casino) all this week, this time to get training on Cerner's quality control procedures and client/server framework. Wish me luck.

The Surreal Life

Well, my first full week at Cerner is over, and it was mainly... well, strange. Let me say in advance that I realize it won't always be like this, but in the meantime, I'm a little wierded out. Allow me to present a few tidbits:

* The cubicles are arranged in rows, so I have a clear view of five from where I sit (the two adjoining and three across). And they are all empty. Oh, there are nameplates, papers, other artifacts of work. But I've only seen a human being in one of them, and that briefly. The others might be working elsewhere this week, they might have transferred to a different group, they might have left the company. There's no way for me to know.

* I've seen my manager precisely twice, last Friday and this, and only for an hour both times. He's a friendly enough fellow, funny even. But where does he go all day? He's never been at his desk ever. I'm afraid to ask, or perhaps afraid that I wouldn't understand the answer.

* Somewhat unbelievably, my team has no recurring meetings of any kind. My team lead, though friendly, prefers to communicate through email and instant message. Combined with the isolation of my cubicle, I could easily work the entire day without speaking to or even seeing another human being face to face. There have been a few days when I did just that.

* Friday was my first Beer Friday, a monthly event where Cerner provides free beer (Miller Light, ugh) at the end of the day to all its employees. It reminded me uncannily of a Kauffman party: a bunch of geeks, mostly men, sitting around and drinking. It makes them more talkative about the subjects they talk about anyway; and they only talk to those people they already know. A bit sad, but a good way to end the week all the same.

I did finally coax a little information out of my manager and team lead about what I'll actually be doing the next few months. It's pretty much what I expected for a new hire: some more training, some support work, a bit of development (particularly writing tests). The sort of stuff that's mildly tedious but needs to be done and provides a good introduction to the company's system architecture. Not bad, for what it could have been.

The Puzzle from Hell

So I've been playing Myst IV: Revelation for the past few days. It seemed quite good at first; really gorgeous graphics, dramatic music, intriguing story, all that good stuff. But the game is flawed, in ways that are becoming more and more obvious to me. Worse, the flaws are centered around puzzle design, which is the heart and soul of the adventure genre.

For starters, quite a few of the puzzles have no feedback whatsoever when solved. There's no way to tell when or if you've done something right. This is a sharp contrast to all the previous games in the series, when a completed puzzle would usually lock itself down to prevent further changes. It makes it essentially impossible to take a level in stages, which is IMO a bad move.

Worse, the solutions to some of the puzzles has crossed the line from careful observation and deduction to pure mathematics and, in some cases, pure madness. The game offers a three-tiered help system: small hint, pointed nudge, and outright solution with explanation. It should tell you something that in several cases, even after reading the full, step-by-step solution including how you were intended to find it, I still can't figure out what the hell they're talking about. I'm no genius but I'm no fool either. If you thought the animal noises from Riven were obscure, you ain't seen nothing yet.

All of which brings me to the puzzle from hell, which has stopped me cold at a relatively early point in the game. The following is spoilerrific, but I don't really care much anymore:

The puzzle consists of three vertical sliders, each of which can be set from 0-12. A correct setting on all three sliders causes a lock to release; there are a total of four locks to release with four different combinations to complete the puzzle.

The sliders, of course, are not numbered in any way. The only way to determine their setting is to move them up and down and observe a row of lights above turning on and off. Moreover, they don't "snap" to the nearest setting like, say, a Windows slider; rather, you must nudge it past the next higher setting before it will stick.

The hotspot to control each of these sliders is only a few pixels square; when you find it, you must wait for the usual hand cursor to change to a grasping mode, which takes a noticeable second or so. If you click too soon, or are off by only a little, you'll simply wave at empty air.

Next to the sliders, left and right, are the four locks that you're attempting to open. These are "details"; they can be zoomed in upon. This serves no useful purpose except to give you a close-up view of the lock's current state, but that state can be seen while zoomed out as well. The hotspots to zoom in on the locks are only a few pixels over from the slider hotspots.

Now, all of this would make the puzzle poorly designed and tedious, but not a major challenge if you have the correct combinations. However, there's one final point I should mention: the entire thing is TIMED. Each lock stays open only for a limited amount of time, and each shorter than the last. All told, you have about thirty seconds from the time you finish entering the first combination to finish the puzzle. Me, the best I can do is to be entering the third combination at the time that the first one times out. And that's after hours of practice and trying over and over again.

There are plenty of games out there that test your manual dexterity, your ability to move your mouse around quickly and precisely. I don't care for them, and wasn't intending to buy one. Anyone want a slightly used copy of Myst IV: Revelation?